...deeper...

BAIT & SWITCH

2010-11-05T22:54:00.000-07:00

a pastor friend of mine felt a twinge in her chest last week. she got a mammogram last wednesday. found out she had aggressive breast cancer in both breasts friday. yesterday she had a double mastectomy.

nyah and i went to visit her today. i wasn't sure if i should go - i wasn't sure if i wanted to go...i kept telling God to show me if i should go. miraculously my sermon was completed and a visitation canceled...there was no reason not to and a deep urge to go to the hospital led me there.

as we drove up highway 9 the fog was still hanging around in nooks and crannies of the valley...when we arrived into the room and some other pastor friends were just leaving. the smile on my friend's face was huge. "did you hear the good news?" she said. "do you mean other than Jesus Christ risen from the dead?" i replied. "yes!"

amazingly, there was no trace of cancer anywhere else in her body. she is clean. and as we sat on her bed - the three of us - and talked about God's goodness, she ministered to me. she reminded me of the great love God has for me...she asked about a couple of issues in my parish that she knew about...she recited to me an amazing poem about perspective that she had written. she played with my baby. she received me with hospitality into that dark day with the fog playing hide and seek outside the window and hope springing forth into the vacancy of her chest.

as nyah and i left, i smiled. God had led me to that place as much for me as for my friend. her witness to me encouraged and strengthened me, even as she was dealing with such loss and trauma. now that is some good news.

OH YEAH, DID I MENTION I'M OFFICIALLY A MOM?

2010-10-27T22:56:00.000-07:00

so i'm sure if there were ever a perfect excuse for not keeping up on the ole' blog it is: I JUST GAVE BIRTH! 17 weeks ago nyah ione burst forth into the world and nothing will ever be the same again. i am SO thankful!

some highlights:

-seeing her for the first time and being so surprised by everything - her size (21 inches and 9 lbs. 7 oz), her hair (LOTS of it), her cry, her noises...life is a wonderful surprise!

-feeling the most intense love that a human can feel for another...i mean, i really LOVE my husband...but this love is amazingly different...so unique and so wonderful...

-getting that first stretch of sleep that lasted more than 3 hours.

-watching her eyes turn from one shade of blue to another...

-getting to be exclusively at home with her for 6 weeks and then getting to bring her to church with me (with the help of generous "grannies" who volunteer to hold her and play with her).

-hearing her laughter for the very first time (i cried).

-watching her be so proud of herself when she stands up.

-the smile i get when i first see her in the morning... huge. world changing. smile.

WORDLE

2010-10-27T22:53:00.000-07:00

this is cool...a word map of this blog...

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CAN YOU TELL I'M FASTING FROM FB?

2010-03-10T22:22:00.000-08:00

so i'm fasting from facebook for lent which explains why i'm suddenly such a prolific blogger...but who cares why, i'm just going to enjoy it while it lasts...

here is a list of some other wonderful things...little things that make me happy:

-10 year old parishioners giving me dog walking fliers to put in people's mailboxes at church - 50 cents for a half hour, $1 for an hour

-speaking of dogs, my dog sprinting across a field toward me - tongue and cheeks flapping in the wind with abandon

-sunshine in january, february, and march....ahhhhhhh....

-breakfast with friends

-my husband eating a bug...yes, there was a bug on the butter that i noticed earlier today. i made a mental note to clean off the butter tray and throw away the rest of the butter tonight when i got home from church. got home from church and guess what....butter gone. bug gone. i asked beau, "did you see the bug on this butter?" answer, "no." i laughed hysterically for a few moments. he smiled.

-gardens coming alive

-trees blooming (i don't care if they do make me sneeze)

-ferry rides on clear days

-arby's roast beef sandwiches (don't judge me, i'm pregnant)

-my baby girl kicking me...even when it is 3 a.m.

-answers to prayer

-craigslist sales

-free plumbing and plumbing fixtures...beau scored a free toilet for the addition today.

-my macgyver husband who will not let a simple thing like getting locked out of the house get him down - he'll just remove a window and hop in.

-prenatal yoga

that is all. you can go back to facebook now, i'm going to bed.

GROWING

2010-03-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

i am 25 weeks pregnant. that means i am a couple of weeks into my sixth month and final trimester. this is scary. this means that within 12 weeks my little girl will be fully in the world - pooping, crying, squirming around in my arms (not in my belly)...this fact is at once exhiliratingly exciting and terrifying.

but my excitement and terror is not what this post is about. this post is about me getting fat, or, er... "growing." yeah, i am only 6 months along and i have already gained 30 lbs. now for those of you who have not had a baby lately, the recommended TOTAL weight gain for pregnancy these days is between 15 and 30 lbs. yeah, three months to go and i am already at the top of the "should gain" scale.

my doctor assures me that everything is as it should be. i still fit in my same size - albeit pregnancy attire, my belly is growing at a normal rate, and the offending weight gain seems to be mostly an effort by my body to feed my yet to be born daughter (if you don't get this subtle hint, don't ask). but even with my doctors platitudes, i still feel like a bit of a porker. i have always been naturally thin. just this last year was the first time that i have ever been in the category ranked "thin/normal" rather than "thin" on the weight/height ratio scale. i have always exercised and been fairly reasonable about what i eat. but i have also had the freedom to eat sweets and other things when i wanted.

perhaps because of the aforementioned freedom and perhaps because i am simply a member of the human race, but i do not like diets. i am not good at diets. i love sweets. especially baked goods. and ice cream. and twix bars (this is pregnancy's fault - normally i'm not that into candy). so when my doctor suggests just cutting out a few calories here and there, i balk.

i am seriously skeptical of her when she says things like, "just ask for it without whip cream or ice cream," is she serious???? or my friend/yoga instructor who suggests, "just eat lots of fruit, you know, smoothies with yogurt and sweetened with a little bit of honey." does she honestly eat that as dessert???
when they say stuff like that i just smile at them and think, "yeah right." is that bad of me? beau thinks i should start practicing now being a good example of eating for our child. i want to be a good example for eating, but does that mean i have to have smoothies for dessert?

...i think i'll worry about it later and for now just eat this miniature twix bar and get back to planning the good friday service.

ALIVE & KICKING

2010-02-25T10:53:00.000-08:00

i will spare anyone reading this any laments or apologies for not writing the past 9 months or so...as you can see from the picture above, i've been busy.

for six months i have had this precious one growing inside of me. she sapped all of my energy the first three months as she began to grow, but as of late she just makes me very hungry and kicks a lot.

below is something that i shared with the wesley conference crowd at NNU a couple of weeks ago. it was a wonderful trip mostly because the speakers and seminars were complimented perfectly with time with my wonderful nampa family.

THEOTOKOS
Originally presented in devotional form to the
2010 NNU WESLEY CONFERENCE
By Rev. Bethany Hull Somers

Colossians 1:25-27

My congregation and I are about to embark on new territory for all of us. I am their senior pastor and I am 5 months pregnant. It is a pretty amazing thing to me to be pregnant and be a pastor and to hear my parishioners call me, “momma.” They are so excited because not only is their pastor going to have a baby but their pastor is really going to give birth to the baby herself!! It is unusual, but they think it is the coolest thing ever, and so do I.

Being pregnant has made me a lot more aware of things than I was before. I am more aware because I am thinking constantly of this little life that has invaded me and is growing inside me and will use my life for hers until it is time for her to get her first taste of air. I think of her almost every moment. I think of her with every decision I make. Suddenly, when I am walking my dog and a large truck drives by and spews toxic fumes into the air where before I might just be slightly annoyed, now I think, I wonder how this is affecting my baby girl. When I sit down to eat dinner I focus more on the greens and less on the cheese sauce and onion rings because it will help her grow – despite how much I love cheese sauce and onion rings. When I am tired, I rest…which is something I hardly ever do for myself. But for her – I do it…if I’m tired, maybe she’s tired. I realize at just five and a half months pregnant that I would do anything for this little girl. I would eat anything; I would go through anything – even experiencing firsthand the curse of Eve and the subsequent sleepless nights of babydom. I would, without even thinking about it, die for her and I haven’t even held her in my arms yet.

As I have reflected about the experience of another being inhabiting my body I could not help but start to think about it theologically – I am a pastor after all and that is what we do. We draw connections between experience and God constantly looking for the Spirit in the world. As I have meditated on the fact of this life growing inside me, I have been thinking about the concept of Theotokos – the God bearer. Originally this Greek term was used to describe the most famous pregnant woman ever – Mary! She was ultimately and literally God bearer as she carried the Messiah into the world. But later, it has been used by Christian theologians as a way to describe the Christian work and experience of bearing God into the situations and circumstances of everyday life. It describes the act of birthing the Kingdom through the love and hope of Christ with the power of the Holy Spirit. It became a way to describe not just Mary, but all disciples of Christ. Indicating the glorious opportunity we have to allow Christ to inhabit us.

As I thought about being a Theotokos I started to realize how little I normally think about being that for God in the circumstances in my life. I realized the stark contrast between how much I think about my baby girl – when I eat, when I sleep (I have dreams about her), when I wake, when I preach, when I sit down and my back hurts and when I rise up and my back hurts and so many moments in between. I must confess, I do not think of Jesus as often. And yet my job as God bearer to all whom I come in contact with has been in play for far longer than five months and far after my little girl grows up and has children of her own, I will still have Christ in me.

So I began to wonder and many good things come from wondering. I began to wonder, what if we, as Christians, thought about God as much as women who are pregnant think of the lives that are growing inside them. What if we thought about Him when we sat to eat, when we woke in the morning, what if we dreamed dreams about the Kingdom, what if we thought of God when we made every decision - from what to eat and how to consume given our place in the world and in the grand scheme of God’s justice and to where to walk – in the comfortable, sterile neighborhoods, or the out of the way places where the hurting go to hide. What if for as long as we had days to live and breath to taste, we took as seriously this job of God bearer as I do being pregnant with this little girl?

The amazing thing about being a God bearer is that although the first one was a woman, you do not have to be a woman to bear Christ into the world. Although we ladies get all the “fun” of morning sickness, warping bodies, kicks to the ribs in the middle of the night, and the final terrifying culmination of gestation, men can participate in the bearing of life in their role as theotokos. Each of us – male or female - can be thoughtful to the life of Christ in us – which as Colossians 1 proclaims is the hope of glory! My prayer for us as a church is that we do each thing with the conscious thought of Christ in us. My hope is that when we make our decisions about where to go, what to do, what to say, and how to love based on this fact of God in us.

I am so thankful to be a part of a denomination that is so pregnant with the LOVE of God and imagine how it will infect a hurting and dying world with the hope of glory. With Jesus Christ, God with us, in us, for us. Hear now these words about YOU from the book of Colossians, chapter one verses 25-27:

5I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness— 26the mystery that has been kept hidden for ages and generations, but is now disclosed to the saints. 27To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.

I'LL FLY AWAY

2009-06-25T00:13:00.000-07:00

it is 12:14 a.m. i am not going to bed because i am sure as soon as i get to sleep my husband will rumble into the driveway pumped from watching the new transformers flick and i will be awakened to stories of robots alternately destroying and saving the world. while beau got his robot fix, i spent my evening making food for my darling but insatiably thirsty hummingbirds (they like my 3 cups water to 1 cup sugar recipe better than my neighbor's 5 cup water to 1 cup sugar), doing laundry and watching a very odd documentary about aging hippies in india entitled, hippie masala.

all of these boring tid bits about my life are compliments of the fact that it is 12:17 a.m. and i am trying not to sleep and that this is the calm before the storm in many ways for our household. friday i leave for general assembly for the week and as my plane flies away the summer roars off at break neck pace. general assembly, holidays, community gardens, family reunions, church events, book clubs, studies, mission trips, and a behemoth house addition project loom in the horizon. as these inevitabilities loom, i try to breath deeply and not get too stressed. as a goal oriented person i am normally most happy directly after the mountain top is reached...after the project completed...during the closing benediction. up until the point of accomplishment i am all energy and determination - striving for the finish line. this summer will be a challenge for me to not worry about not having a patio for a few months, be patient with my precious plants being moved to temporary pots, and take each challenge at church with grace and endurance. perhaps when i am most stressed i can have patience enough to slow down and make food for the hummingbirds who are even more hyper than i am and watch them take a break to eat.

NEVER FEAR

2009-04-08T14:42:00.000-07:00

it was a little more than a year ago that we lost a good friend - david nichols - to leukemia. i can hardly believe more that 365 days have past since his death. it has been a tough twelve months trying to grapple with missing him, seeing his little family - his wife and two girls - trying to pick up the pieces of life and move forward without him, and just hurting with the pain of loss.

last week i had a dream about david. i love dreams. the rules of our "normal" world never apply in dreams. in dreams i can fly. in dreams i can chat with people who have passed away. in my dream david was holding tia who was just a baby when he died. she was playing with his face and he was smiling at her and whispering words of love. when i saw him i said, "dave, we've missed you so much!" he and i chatted for a while and then he told me he had something important to tell me. i could feel my body starting to wake up at this point and i was desperately trying to stay in my dream so that i could hear words of wisdom from my friend who is in the fullness of God's presence. i forced myself to stay in the dream and he said to me, "you need to know that you never have to be afraid." and then i woke up.

never fear. this from a young man who died at the age of 26 and left a young wife and two small children. never fear. truly on this holy week we can know beyond all doubt that we never need to fear. Christ has conquered death and owns eternity. and, as a friend of mine says, "if He owns eternity then he owns the next hour and if He owns the next hour then He owns the next minute." we need not fear. not death, not life, not loss of job, not loss of house, not broken relationships - nothing can stand between us and our hope in Christ Jesus.

i pray that this Good Friday and Easter Sunday you are confronted again with the Savior who reaches across the chasm of fear and offers Himself...do not be afraid.

NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION

2009-03-17T21:10:00.000-07:00

beau and i spent a couple of days in our nation's capital this weekend. we visited with dean, laura, reyna, moe & peanut. we had a blast. although we were only there for two days, we were alble to see a lot - smithsonian style (i tried to take pictures with the dinosaurs but beau was too embarrassed) - and CHILL a lot at the hull/cheng household.

it was so surreal and beautiful to see my baby brother as a dad...he is a great one. i'm not suprised in the least and i am so proud of him. reyna violet is such a sweet and beautiful little girl. she is a beast - can already lift her head at 7 weeks and eats constantly. she loved her aunt beth and uncle beau which is a smart move on her part!

family is a gift and dean and laura are particular blessings to us. i pray that reyna gets a brother half as cool as dean...

NEW LIFE

2009-03-05T23:20:00.000-08:00

last night i baptized a baby. i told those gathered that the ancient waters of baptism are a sign that we belong to God. i asked the parents who gave this little one to be baptized - and they said, "we do."

i took the hospital issued coffee cup that the nurse gave me and i put my hand in, poured the water three times over the little eyes that will never open. i baptized him in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. as the entire room wept i said the only thing i knew: that this little one has only and will only ever know pure love. from his mother's womb to the Father's arms.

i kept my tears at bay until i got home...and then let them mix with the rain that was falling. face to heaven - where that little one is...

THAT'S A LOT OF BLOOD

2009-02-03T18:59:00.000-08:00

the kids in my church are hilarious. they are creative and kind and silly. i am so thankful to be their pastor and glad that they are not embarrassed to talk to me, give me drawings, and give me hugs.

on the last sunday of the month at our church the kids worship with the adults. we have a special children's sermon time and at the end of the service we all partake of communion together.

last week was the last sunday of the month and we had our multi-generational worship and sacrament day. when it came time to serve one of the kids who is particularly hilarious and hyper (folks at mvcn will know him as noah), beau and i bent over and i said, "the body of Christ broken for you, noah," and beau told him, "the blood of
Christ shed for you, noah." noah peered his sweet little four year old head over the chalice and said, "man, that is a LOT of blood."

it was so sweet. it is so true. it took a lot of blood to cover every one...even me. a lot of blood so there is plenty to go around - always enough. thanks be to God!

EARLY LENT

2009-01-05T11:31:00.000-08:00

my series of text studies, sermons and reflections on the 2009 lenten lectionary texts came out this weekend in preacher's magazine. you may peruse if you wish...go to: http://www.nph.com/nphweb/html/pmol/welcome.htm and then click on the "sermons for the season of lent" link on the left.

it was a fun project - i was so blessed to be invited to participate. have a happy first week back into the swing of things all - peace!

2009

2009-01-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

it is already 2009. life is moving so fast. it was yesterday in 2004 i graduated from duke. last night in 2006 i married my best friend. and early this morning in 2007 i took on the biggest challenge of my life (my church). i am floored by how quickly all these milestones have fled by...how could it possibly be 2009?

and yet, this sunday is the first sunday of the new year and i know God has amazing things in store...for our church...for my family...for little old me...and i know it will all pass like a vapor.

i cannot bring myself to have any "resolutions." my whole life is one resolution after another...falling, standing up, moving forward, being pushed back, taking a break along the way while sometimes seeing the cross cleary - other times...not so much...

my only prayer is that at the end of this year i will be closer to the One who formed me from the clay than i am today...

peace to your whole being - body, mind, and spirit. happy new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2008-12-17T20:48:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

LET IT SNOW!

2008-12-17T14:37:00.000-08:00

i never understood why adults were so LAME....why they didn't want it to snow because it messed with their plans. well, now i know. tonight was supposed to be the dress rehearsal for the kids christmas production (which i am directing) and it is a blizzard outside. the weather has officially screwed up my plans.
i'm making the best of it though...walking with my dogs, making soup, and trying to get work done from home. the dress rehearsal is rescheduled for saturday - please Lord, let it NOT snow on saturday and sunday. ;) i guess i will deal and take this weather imposed slow/snow day for much needed advent REST.
i pray that from wherever you read this you are warm and dry and o.k. with whatever change of plans has occured in your life lately.
PEACE!

WHO, ME?

2008-12-11T23:29:00.000-08:00

just got back from a call to the hospital...i am on call chaplain this week for skagit. it was a suicide. young man. only child. so sad.
the mother just sat and cried and asked me how would she ever be able to fathom this and me...who, me? i dunno. i told her it was unfathomable. that there was so much mystery and pain in life...
she said, "your job sucks, doesn't it?" and i smiled at her bright blue eyes, red from the crying and said..."no....no, it doesn't suck. i get to be here as a witness to God's love for you and God's love for your son."
was that enough? probably not. but it's all i got.

WHY NOT FIRE?

2008-09-15T21:11:00.000-07:00

these two morsels found me this evening and have me contemplating whether i have become content with cooling coals...

Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should I do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: Why not be totally changed into fire? -The Wisdom of the Desert Fathers

Tame worship is easier to agree on than any other kind, and bringing fire requires a lot more energy than simply showing up. When life is pretty good and church is pleasant enough, who needs resurrection? -Barbara Brown Taylor, Leaving Church

i want to burn.

ISLANDS AND HOME

2008-09-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

beau and i had a beautiful trip to orcas island. it is an amazing place with lots of natural beauty...plenty of hiking and kayaking to be done and a generally peaceful easy feeling.
we are back now and relaxing with the doggies and i am tending to my beauties (see above)...i have some cool stuff from an OLD nouwen book that i found in our church library...stay tuned...
oh yeah, did i mention i didn't have to preach today? i'm not going to know what day it is all week. ;)
peace!!!

THE END OF AN ERA

2008-09-01T10:53:00.001-07:00

beau and i bought a new car this weekend - we love it (more on this later). sadly, this means we have to get rid of my first car that was really mine (i chose it, i paid for it, i loved it)...it has brought us to many amazing places, beau and i had our first date in this car (well - it DROVE us), i have prayed for folks in this car and generally loved it. i hope the next owners enjoy it as much as i have.
if you are interested in a great AWD car, let me know - we will let it go for bargain basements prices. ;)

update: we sold the car last night (less than 12 hours after i posted it on craislist. we had MANY calls, many visits and a few test drives. we had one guy make a full price offer who was a total jerk to beau on the test drive...beau felt strongly that he did not want to sell the car to him, so we didn't. after that we had a wonderful couple who have been serving as missionaries to ecuador for 18 years and recently moved back to the states look at it. it was so awesome to sell it to them and give them a deal and a car that will BLESS them! we are so happy that the car will continue in ministry and adventure. they will move up to the skagit valley soon and have promised to visit us with the car. God is GOOD.

CAUTION: WOMEN PREACHING (& BLOGGING)

2008-08-22T09:08:00.000-07:00

one of the action items from my latest trip to kc for the nazarene women clergy council was the formation of a blog. it is designed to be an encouragement, resource, and online networking tool for ladies in ministry. it should be fun...check it out: www.nazarenewomen.wordpress.com

BREAKFAST OF CHAMPIONS

2008-08-16T13:19:00.000-07:00

i feel more human today...i feel as though perhaps my life may slow down enough for me to savor the living of it.
this morning i woke up in my own bed on a saturday with NOTHING in particular to do (and my husband did not run off to a side job - hallelujah!). it has been a blessing beyond imagination to have nothing planned, nothing scheduled, nowhere to run, nowhere to be...
today has been a good day...
beau and i made a fabulous brunch - waffles (from the waffle maker an elderly woman from the church bought for me at a garage sale), fresh fruit, bacon (mmmm), and a scramble that included herbs from my garden. i have worked in the yard - tending to my beauties (see above) and mowed the lawn...and it is only 1:30...ahhhhh.
i pray that you have a day (and soon) that is slow enough to savor.
peace.

OPTIMUS

2008-07-31T23:03:00.000-07:00

our family is growing! beau and i keep adding rescue dogs and vicious cats to our number...the newest addition: optimus. he is a 75 lb. beast of a guy - half pitbull half lab. he looks pitbull in the body and head but has huge feet, webbed toes, and a very chill disposition. he and izzy get along very well and are figuring out their relationship to each other and their beds, toys, and food. izzy is loving having someone to play with...that makes me happy. and this guy...he is more lovey than izzy (if that were possible)...
heres to a growing family and to hoping that when we decide to start having babies we don't get this carried away!

BUTTER MELTS OUT OF HABIT

2008-07-13T23:02:00.000-07:00

i have walked through the valley of the shadow of death for much of the year. i cannot think of a time when someone was not dead or dying in the last 9 months. it is just now that the smoke is beginning to clear and i am left to grapple with this overdose of mortality.
yesterday, for example, we went to the birthday party of our friend david's daughter, alaina. she is four. beau has been with her for every birthday (even her first unofficial birthday of the day she was born) and i have been with her since her 1st birthday. her birthday was largely the same as it always is. it was in the same backyard that it always is...it was hot just like it always is smack in the center of july...there were drinks and snacks and sugary cake just like there always is...but something was not quite right - david was conspicuously absent. his absence felt more profound than his precence would have if he were there...
but if i closed my eyes i could imagine him behind me, holding baby tia, and talking to beau about going to see the new batman movie...i kept thinking, just a year ago he was right here...in that picture we have on our fridge he was here...
death is a strange, strange thief.

WELCOME FLUFFY!

2008-06-19T15:43:00.000-07:00

I survived the weekend - thank God. Both funerals were beautiful celebrations...I was more than thankful.
In addition to TWO funerals this weekend, we also added to the family. Fluffy...a little boy kitty named by my niece, Else. He terrorizes Izzy...but she mostly likes him. ;) Here are some pictures of him and of a hike we took the other day....
peace!

OFF THE CHARTS WHITENESS

2008-06-12T22:01:00.000-07:00

apparently i have a high whiteness factor....my friend giordi shared this with me today. it is an entire website dedicated to "stuff white people like"...be sure to check out the full list...funny stuff.

i need it this week - i am officiating two funerals on saturday (more on that after i've lived through it).

OH IZZY...

2008-05-22T21:49:00.000-07:00

if you know beau and i, you know we love this dog...i was actually very reluctant to get a dog, but when beau and i saw this little black pitbull at the skagit valley humane society (www.skagithumane.com), my heart was hers...
here are some pics from our youth group supper club night and izzy cuddling with daniel & kathryn.

PROUD NAZBO

2008-05-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

if you are nazarene (or grew up nazarene...or had nazarene friends growing up), check this out.
you all know i'm a proud nazbo.

READ IT

2008-05-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

i was intrigued by a number of friends talking about this amazing book - the shack by william p. young - so i decided to read it.
i am so glad i did....it expanded my heart in beautiful ways.
now...you....stop reading this and read the shack.
find out more at: www.theshackbook.com

BODY COUNT: 2

2008-04-29T08:55:00.001-07:00

izzy and i have been busy...
yesterday morning beau let izzy out and she went back to the same place in the side hill that she had been obsessed with for about 24 hours. after a few minutes she was "playing" with a new friend. after izzy sent her new friend to mole heaven (she is sugar all over again - our old mole killing dog) i found a mouse (!) in the garage. my throat literally hurt from screaming so loud and it sent izzy under the bed. i set a trap and the rest is cold blooded history....
if you need an extermination, just call the somers girls.

YEAH...SO IF YOU COULD JUST....THANKS

2008-04-28T22:01:00.000-07:00

for anyone who has ever had a roommate or worked at a church (or anywhere else), you will love this: www.passiveaggressivenotes.com
when i came to our church about a year ago there were passive aggressive notes taped all over the kitchen. i threw them away and they were quickly replaced...so funny.
enjoy.

HOME!!!! WELCOME

2008-04-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

i had a wonderful time in nashville - it was right on time in so many ways....physically, spiritually, and mentally.
the only thing better than an awesome weekend full of anointed female clergy was coming home to my awesome husband and sweet dog. beau had a sign and flowers waiting for me (notice the switch of the words - he didn't realize it until well after he had put the sign up).
home!!!! welcome to me....

FUN @ AUNT BETH & UNCLE BEAU'S

2008-04-14T19:50:00.001-07:00

ummmmm.....all i can say is they had so much FUN doing this...it was quite hilarious.
i love these girls (and their parents).

A KIND OF PEACE

2008-04-06T22:11:00.001-07:00

yesterday was david's memorial service. i was one of three officiants...there were so many people there and so much grief that a deep quiet accompanied the afternoon.
today was jack's (our friends, nate & giordi's, son) dedication...so surreal to release life and welcome it at the same time.
so tonight i sit with some peppermint herbal tea (with a splash of honey)...hoping to relax tonight...tomorrow...before the board meeting...before the trip to nashville...before busy-ness takes a hold of my neck again and does not let go...i wonder when life will slow down enough to allow me to just rest...

HEARTBREAK

2008-03-25T07:29:00.001-07:00

yesterday morning i was detoxing from the frenzied activity of Holy Week by taking a long, sunlight filled walk to little mountain. the trees are beginning to bloom and the lilies in the ponds are beginning to come up...this world is so beautiful. izzy and i got back from our walk to hang for the day...
i started simply trying to decide how best to chill out - should i make coffee and THEN read my book or just start reading and make coffee later (usual sabbath questions). while i was debating this silly part of my day, the phone rang and it was my dear friend, amber's, dad. the first thing he said was, "david passed away this morning." david is amber's husband who has been one of beau's best friends for several years and has become a dear friend to me as well. david was diagnosed with leukemia three weeks ago and has dealt with every possible complication of chemo and various infections.
with those words - passed away - everything fell in fragments out of my brain and into my heart..."NO....NO....NO...." was pretty much all i could say. but despite my best efforts to disassemble the message, to reject it and have it come back differently, the fact persisted - david was gone.
calling beau was just as horrific as hearing it for myself - to hear the recognition of grief in his voice...it is hard enough to accept a difficult truth in your own heart, but to watch it wound those you love is unbearable.
david was only 26. he leaves behind a beautiful wife (widow at age 23) and two sweet little girls - alaina, 3 and tia, 14 months.
david was fearless in the face of this illness and confident in God's grace and plan. i know that He is in perfect peace and joy and that all the mysteries of the universe are unlocked for him. yesterday, in between tears, i kept marveling at all the answers to questions he knows now...of how perfectly he is experiencing Love now...
but none of those thoughts take away the pain of his loss. so today we mourn deeply the loss of life too young...we will miss you dave.
MAY ANGELS GUIDE YOU IN.
Lord have mercy, Christ have mercy.

THE BIG DEAL

2008-03-18T16:19:00.000-07:00

this morning at my pastor's text study, the intern at a local church (a brilliant young seminarian from berkeley lutheran) referred to Holy Week as "the big deal." she spoke of how - even for non-liturgical churches - the "big deal" is of upmost importance. it is something that bonds us...as Christians...to the resurrected Christ and to one another. so...here's to the BIG deal...may your journey to the cross and then to the empty tomb be filled with repentance, hope and joy. PEACE!

HOW DOES MY GARDEN GROW

2008-03-15T17:31:00.000-07:00

i spent most of the day (until i was forced in by the rain) with my old friends...weeding, primping, and caring for all my beautiful plants. the daffodils are round one and doing a fabulous job displaying their God given yellow gorgeousness...on deck are the tulips - which must have something beautiful planned as they are all out of the ground and stretching toward heaven...everything else is just starting to bud...i will post "real" pictures of the garden soon.

PASTORS' WIVES

2008-03-12T16:01:00.000-07:00

one more mention of pastors' wives and somebody gets hurt.

as if i wasn't excited enough about district assembly...grrr....

INSPIRED

2008-03-10T21:49:00.000-07:00

i am so glad that there are others struggling and dealing with lack of volunteers and too many meetings and not enough hours in the day to kiss husbands while trying to care for a church...it inspires me to know that i am not alone...laboring in this vineyard...that i am not the only 30 year old helping to shoulder an entire congregation's worth of stuff while writing district reports and leading text studies.
God...thank you for reminding me that i am not alone.

CLOSER

2008-03-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

i feel - as always - that i have failed at lent. for here i am, busy beyond belief...carefully and dutifully fulfilling my lenten obligation with little fervor. all the while holding bible studies, running to the hospital, cramming, cleaning, and running... i had a lot of big plans for intimacy with the One, of revelation and depth, but most have fallen off the wagon.
i am so thankful that God's big plans have been accomplished...my only prayer is that as i experience the passion, i come closer...

MY LONG LOST FRIENDS

2008-02-11T12:54:00.000-08:00

they are here...poking their heads bravely out of the earth...they seem to know, as does my dog's winter coat, that spring is coming.
my lenten rose is also blooming (picture above)....what a clever little rose...lent has only just begun.

LENT

2008-02-08T11:52:00.000-08:00

my right thumbnail still has a faint grey line from the ashes of ash wednesday. no manner of scrubbing and scraping could get those last few particles out...they linger to remind me of the foreheads that i touched. it is always so intense to mark the heads of the congregation. these are not people who are anonymous to me - they are people that i LOVE - it is exceedingly difficult to remind them that they are dust and to dust they will return. and, most likely, when they return to dust it will be me who says the last prayer over them, me who touches that same forehead with anointing oil, me who says the final amen before their coffin descends into the earth.
it is with great mourning and yet great hope that i approach lent...for we NEED Christ so desperately...and i know that my only hope...the only hope of my precious congregation comes in the resurrection of Jesus. so, although difficult to mark the foreheads of the big ones and little ones with the ashen cross, i can give them REAL hope - hope that will never disappoint.

therefore, since we are justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have obtained access to this grace in which we stand; and we boast in our hope of sharing the glory of God. And not only that, but we also boast in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit that has been given to us. -Romans 5:1-5

may God remind you every day of this season of your deep need of Him.

STUPID THEOLOGY

2008-01-24T17:24:00.000-08:00

my husband just informed me that there are christian groups who are claiming that heath ledger died tragically at the age of 28 because he played a gay man in brokeback mountain. this is the stupidest theology i have ever heard...
as a pastor, people are constantly coming to me upset because "how can bad things happen to good people..." everyone has countless examples of wonderful people who were stricken with horrible maladies...
interesting how quickly some will interpret the most basic and universal consequences of living in a fallen world - death, sickness, crazy and unintentional overdoses of sleeping medication for a depressed and tired young man - as God's judgment against the individual when God has already cast His final judgment on humanity...and His arms were nailed open to do so...proving God's love.
IF God were going to kill someone for something (which in the free will He has given us does not come into play) i think we would need to look at someone who has perpetrated ACTUAL evil (i'm thinking along the lines of child rape, murder, perhaps genocide) and not an artist who was simply holding a picture of our culture in front of our eyes.

LIFE THAT IS LIFE

2008-01-22T22:10:00.000-08:00

i've been sick for two days...not having more energy than what i needed to squeak out the things i've HAD to do - like go to the bathroom or let the dog out or do the one or two things for church that could not wait...
sickness flattens and humbles me - it reminds me how blessed i am most of the time and how often i take it for granted.
so tonight i go to sleep hoping that tomorrow i will feel better...that my body will not ache and my throat will not feel as though a blow torch has seared it....tomorrow morning i may awake and have the energy to take my beautiful dog for a walk and enjoy the sunshine that got mistakenly sent to the light starved northwest in january (or perhaps this sunshine has been a mercy...)...perhaps all light and life is nothing but mercy.

2008

2008-01-08T16:56:00.000-08:00

oh...is it 2008 already?
the year is off and roaring...
more on that later...for now, a beautiful truth:

GOD'S GIFTS PUT OUR BEST DREAMS TO SHAME. -elizabeth barrett browning

THE BIRTH OF LIGHT

2007-12-21T12:15:00.001-08:00

i am stunned. sitting here in my office...snow on the foothills, dog asleep at my feet...i have worked every day for 16...17.... or 18 days, i can't remember. the church is quiet, except for the blowing of the heat. the nativity is frozen in awe, the lights and poinsettias are perky and bright. sunday is planned...christmas eve is prepared for...and i am stunned. stunned that God could come to earth and that i get to proclaim it. stunned that Christmas came so fast. stunned.

here are a couple of beautiful advent meditations from ann weems', kneeling in bethlemen, for you...whether you are stunned or not. peace and merry christmas!

IN SEARCH OF OUR KNEELING PLACES
In each heart lies a Bethlehem, an inn where we must ultimately answer whether ther is room or not.
When we are Bethlehem-bound we experience our own advent in His.
When we are Bethlehem-bound we can no longer look the other way conveniently not seeing stars not hearing angel voices.
We can no longer excuse ourselves by busily tending our sheep or our kingdoms.

This Advent let's go to Bethlehem and see this things that the Lord has made known to us.
In the midst of shopping sprees let's ponder in our hearts the Gift of Gifts.
Through the tinsel let's look for the gold of the Christmas Star.
IN the excitement and confusion, in the merry chaos, let's listen for the brush of angels' wings.
This Advent, let's go to Bethlehem and find our kneeling places.

IT IS NOT OVER
It is not over, this birthing.
THere are always newer skies into which God can throw stars.
When we begin to think that we can predict the Advent of God, that we can box the Christ in a stable in Bethlehem, that's just the time that God will be born in a place we can't imagine and won't believe.
Those who wait for God watch with their hearts and not their eyes,
listening
always listening
for angel words.

UNKIND

2007-12-20T12:52:00.001-08:00

i am continually amazed at people's capacity to be unkind. it makes me so sad and frustrated.

but...as mother teresa encouraged, i will refuse to allow the poison of unkindness, bitterness, and unforgiveness to touch my heart...

DO IT ANYWAY
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

BLESSED

2007-12-16T21:50:00.000-08:00

some of the beautiful things in my life...

FIRE IT UP

2007-12-12T21:45:00.001-08:00

Thank you, God, for infusing our world with Your Light.

Christ's love is always stronger than the evil in the world, so we need to love and to be loved: it's as simple as that. -M. Teresa

He is Love....FIRE IT UP.

IN THE GROUND

2007-11-28T14:53:00.000-08:00

my niece, macalister, was pretty obsessed with things going "in the ground" for a while after their alpaca, midnight, died. she used it as a euphamism for death..."mom, when i go in the ground, i want you and daddy to be with me." how very ancient egyptian of her.

today we put marty in the ground. her graveside service was cold and sad...i spoke all of the beautiful things that i could - Scripture, prayer, eulogy - and we cried and said goodbye. no one wanted to leave...

finally, we left her casket there...yellow and pink flowers covering the top. it was all very sterile looking from the outside. but when i looked closely, i could see the dirt carved away...under the beautiful casket, beneath the chrome lowering mechanism....there it was, the ground.

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant Marty. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, of sinner of your own redeeming. Receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints of life. In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister, Marty, and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make his face to shine upon her and be gracious unto her, the Lord lift up his countenance upon her and giver her peace. Amen.

MAY ANGELS GUIDE YOU IN

2007-11-23T14:11:00.000-08:00

my beautiful friend, marty, died last night at 11:35 p.m.
the last few moments of thanksgiving she decided to fly. she let go of her feeble body and is now PRESENT with God.
i miss her desperately...i cannot imagine how her husband of almost 40 years feels. i'm so thankful to have known her and know that her ministry of intercession from the presence of God will be amazing....
goodbye dear friend...may angels guide you to His glorious presence.

we were buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. -Romans 6:4

KEEPING VIGIL

2007-11-20T22:20:00.000-08:00

i've been keeping vigil near the bed of a wonderful woman in my congregation all afternoon/evening. two weeks ago we dished and laughed on her couch...two months ago we scurried around the church kitchen....and now she lays dying in skagit valley hospital. unbelievable....
pray for marty's family.
pray for me.
Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.

MY NEXT 30 YEARS

2007-11-12T12:42:00.000-08:00

yesterday i turned 30. so far, my 30s feel great...i feel grounded and as though my age finally backs up my maturity, job, etc. somehow i feel some of the pressure of the 20s sloughing off...i feel that i already have more grace for myself. inspired by tim mcgraw, here are some goals for my next thirty years:
-forgive myself as quickly as i forgive others
-learn things that i've always wanted to learn (more gardening - master gardner status?, cooking white sauce, identifying birds)
-take more time to savor life
-conquer fear
-sing more
-cultivate my friendships
-READ as much as i want ;)
-get better at yoga
-pray more
-be more responsible
-share JOY

and - as a nod to the man who inspired this post...here are tim mcgraw's plans for his next 30 (hopefully he is off to a good start):

Tim McGraw My Next Thirty Years lyrics

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doing here
In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years
In my next thirty years

ON MARRYING MY BROTHER...OR, THOUGHTS FROM TEXAS

2007-10-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

this week we headed down to houston, tx to see my brother, dean, get married to the beautiful, kind, and intelligent, laura. it was the most fun wedding i have ever attended...one of the highlights (along with texas bbq dinner, kyle's best man toast, and dancing to the jackson five) was that i was the officiant (which was worth going through the ordination process in and of itself). we had a beautiful time...i will perhaps, in the next day or two, post my homily from the wedding and thoughts on the butterfly migration that we were able to see...for now, however...check out these pics of the handsome and happy couple.

EMPTY BED

2007-10-11T09:21:00.000-07:00

yesterday i went to the convalescent center a few blocks from the church where i hold weekly Bible studies...we have a beautiful relationship with this place - we hold weekly Bible studies, our associate minister does Sunday morning worship, and we are "on call" for pastoral needs that the residents or families may have. i am ALWAYS blessed by my time there...i cherish the relationships i have with the residents and staff.
yesterday, as i was chatting with some staff in the "memory" ward (the locked down section of the facility), another staff member came to me and told me there was a family whose mother was dying and needed a pastor. i quickly grabbed my Bible and had one of the activities folks get me some oil from the kitchen and went to be with the family.
the room was dark except for a light right above the bed, illuminating the frail body of a woman and colorful pictures of children, weddings, and great-grandchildren above her head. bernita's eyes were closed - had been closed for a long time - and her permed hair was sticking closely to her head from the wet washcloth that was folded on her brow...her adult daughters sat in the dark at the end of her bed...staring, crying, waiting...
bernita sounded as though she was breathing in water...each breath labored and bubbling. i spoke loudly so that she could hear me through her breath...through the in between space of death and life. i read philippians 3 and 4 to her...then i read, at her daughter's request, psalm 23...
i spoke to the daughters about their mom. it is so important to tell stories of life when faced with death...death is a part of our lives.
i learned that she was a devoted churchwoman - always the one to go visit folks in the hospital...always faithful. their red eyes told other stories too...of how they wanted her to be free from pain, but losing her was hurting...of how frustrated they were with her pastor who visited only twice in six months...of how they wished their brother would hurry and come so that mom could let go.
with her daughters at my side, their tears dripping onto the bed spread, i anointed this woman's head with oil and prayed for her...comitting her again to the Lord, reminding her and God that she is HIS...that nothing can seperate them because of Christ's precious blood.
i read romans 5. i hugged the daughters and spoke a little more to them and left to attend to others...to have staff meetings...to get supplies for the church at costco...to go to prayer meetings and teach Bible studies....
i was not able to go back to the convalescent center until the end of my day - 9:15 p.m. i ran through the rain to one of the "alternative" entrances...a die hard smoker in a wheel chair greeted me as i walked in. i put the "special" code into the door, *7. i walked down the dimly lit hallway to bernita's room and was greeted by an empty bed illuminated by a single light. no pictures, no damp curly hair...just a stripped bed. the nurses informed me that she had died about two hours after i had left.
staring at the empty bed my heart swelled as i realized that i was the last person who prayed for her....the last PERSON who had the blessing of anointing her precious head with oil...the last person to read God's holy Word to her on this earth.
i thank God that i was able to do that...to minister to this one before she went finally from life to Life.
i snuck out the same door i came in...and my smoking friend laughed because of how hard it was raining...she said, "RUN...RUN"....and i did....rain soaking me, drowning out all sound...save for the distant hallelujahs coming from one who left an empty bed.

THE LIGHT BEFORE THE STORM...

2007-10-03T18:10:00.000-07:00

the light before a storm is always strange...ominous...light, but filtered...everything seems to glow in an eery green. that is what i am seeing out my window right now...and hearing HARD rain.
i have a lot to write...a lot to process. maybe i will find the time tomorrow - probably not. until then, a prayer:

EMPTY ME:

Gracious and Holy One,
creator of all things
and of emptiness,
I come to you
full of much that clutters and distracts,
stifles and burdens me,
and makes me a burden to others.

Empty me now
of gnawing dissatisfactions,
of anxious imaginings,
of fretful preoccupations,
of nagging prejiduces,
of old scores to settle,
and of the arrogance of being right.

Empty me
of the ways I unthinkingly
think of myself as powerless
as a victim,
as determined by sex, age, race,
as being less thatn I am,
or as other than yours.

Empty me
of the disguises and lies
in which I hide myslef
from other people
and from my responsibility
for my neighbors
and for the world.
Hollow out in me a space
in which I will find myself,
find peace and a whole heart,
a forgiving spirit and holiness,
the springs of laughter,
and teh will to reach boldly
for abundant life for myself
and the whole human family.

-Ted Loder

the lightning has started...the only thing is to take cover and wait

BEAUTY

2007-09-24T20:28:00.000-07:00

no matter how dark...no matter how ugly...i will keep putting beauty in.
it is, after all, what God does...no matter how nasty this world gets...God keeps putting beauty and life and light in...
so...Lord help me to keep putting beauty in...
it is the only prayer i can muster.

GLORIA 1996-2007

2007-09-21T12:39:00.000-07:00

if you have spent any extended length of time with me for the last few months, you have heard me speak of an amazing little girl named, Gloria Strauss. this eleven year old girl from federal way, wa has been battling nueroblastoma for four years and her story can be found on the seattle times website: www.seattletimes.com. her witness, faith, and joy as she has walked through this journey of cancer has inspired me and thousands of other readers. gloria died this morning. it is her long awaited miracle...

do not miss gloria's story - go to www.seattletimes.com and scroll down to her sweet face and read the features, reporters notebook and listen to the prayers that were lifted up from her room in children's hospital...you will be blessed.

LAST OF THE SEASON

2007-09-19T12:09:00.001-07:00

fall is forging ahead regardless of the fact that it canNOT possibly be fall...summer was too fast...we must have lost some days in the calendar.
but regardless of how fast i feel time has gone....it is moving....the low fog envelops us each morning...even now, it is hugging the foothills of the cascades, the storms are beginning...last night sending thunder and lightning to our door, the leaves are beginning to change...their last glorious act before falling to the ground.
the thing i am mourning the loss of today is the late summer blackberries....i LOVE them. this morning, i ventured outside in my pajamas to wade through the dewy grass and fog and fill a bowl with blackberries one last time...i got just enough to cover my cereal and they were delicious....and i will miss them, until next year.

SKORTS FOR GROWN UPS

2007-09-13T11:56:00.001-07:00

ministering to the older generation is often a tremendous blessing...and sometimes a real pain.
one more mention of the skirt and someone gets hurt!

MYSPACE OF THE DEAD

2007-09-10T10:40:00.000-07:00

i've gotten into a strange habit...whenever i see someone has died that is relatively young and dies of strange circumstance (like the college girl from seattle u who fell from a cliff while hiking in chile or the SAD story about the couple in portland that killed themselves and their five year old daughter due to the wife's cancer this weekend) i go to myspace and look at their page. it is so bizarre - to see the comments that say things like, "we miss you so much," "why did you do this..."
i feel as though it is reminding me of the hopelessness that is so pervasive that i - as a representative of God's love (as all Christians should be) - need to be fighting...or perhaps it is only morbid curiosity...most likely both.
apparently, i am not alone: www.cnn.com/2007/TECH/07/30/dying.on.the.web.ap/

GODDESS

2007-09-05T13:18:00.001-07:00

this week a little girl in my church was on the internet...she called over her shoulder to ask her mother what "goddess" meant. her mother - trying to give her the short answer - simply said, "a female god." the little girl thought for a moment and said...."you mean like bethany?" exactly.

ISONIAZID

2007-09-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

been taking the drugas for TB exposure for about a week now...so far, so good. i have yet to experience anything negative. it is a little weird to follow the diet guidelines, but i am just considering it sort of an extended fast from certain things. nine months is a long fast, but i am up to the challenge.
the good news is, once i am finished with the prescribed dose, i will not have to worry that the TB that is currently doormant in my body will ever come out and bother me. that is a great blessing - as is the fact that i can care for those who have full blown TB without fear of contamination...they wouldn't be giving me anything i do not already have.
anyway - things are going well so far...so thanks for the prayers...

LONG BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND

2007-09-04T09:32:00.000-07:00

beau and i had a beautiful weekend....finished up our wall hanging project (you have to come to our house to check it out), went on an amazing hike up mt. sauk - 360 degree views of mt. ranier, mt. baker, mt. pilchuck, three fingers...the skagit river valley - awesome...had my parents spend the night and come to church on sunday, went to the island and got some qt with the fam and hung out in the sculpture garden and jackson beach....good times.

"if the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. if it were merely challenging that would be no problem. but i arise in the morning torn between a deisr to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. this makes it hard to plan the day." -e.b. white

HERE GOES NOTHING

2007-08-24T11:45:00.000-07:00

the title of this post may, in fact, prove prophetic...hopefully it does not. i have begun this morning on a labor that God has put on my heart for a few years...a bit of writing that may form itself into a book or papers...or perhaps just something for nieces and nephews and grandchildren to peruse long after i am gone. only God knows...
peace to you all...hope is in my head and in my heart...i pray the same for you.

If this brings You glory — if souls are brought to you — with joy I accept all to the end of my life. —from a letter from Mother Teresa to Jesus, undated

HUGS NOT DRUGS!

2007-08-21T14:29:00.000-07:00

many of you know that there has been some "resistance" to me being the lead pastor of this church (you know...i am a GIRL!). it has been hard, but a good lesson in suffering and loving and forgiving...
there has been one person in particular that has seen it as a personal project to undermine me....with letters left on front porches of members, huge packets sent to my district superintendent, and anti-girl clergy rhetoric passed out in the foyer.
but this weekend we had a breakthrough...
we had a memorial time for a relative of this person...miracle number one: she came, miracle number two: she stayed through the sermon...miracle of all miracles: she spoke to me and HUGGED me after the service. it was such a suprise blessing to me...i had resigned myself to her hating me and then she was able to - in Christian love - reach beyond her convictions and embrace me...it was beautiful.
for those of you whom i've spoken to about this situation - you know how heavily it has laid on my heart. it was such a wonderful thing to know that God has been working His LOVE into this situation...from both sides.

UNCLEAN

2007-08-02T14:20:00.000-07:00

as a part of the process of becoming an on-call chaplain at skagit valley hospital, i was required to take a tuberculosis test. it is a simple procedure where a needle injects into your arm and you are to watch it for 48 hours - if, after 48 hours, it is red and raised, you have been exposed to tuberculosis and must have a chest x-ray to determine if you have spots on your lungs.

48 hours ago i had the test...and my arm has a large red, raised welt on it where the needle went in...over twice as large as a result that would beg a chest x-ray. this does NOT mean i have TB (i am also NOT contagious), but it does mean i have been exposed to it and may have to take this nasty medicine that messes with the liver and it also means that i will have to "register" with whatever county i am living in...crazy!

in my usual hypochondriac manner, i was already planning a lung transplant as i changed into the hospital gown to have my chest x-ray this afternoon...beau, in his usual calm, cool and collected manner, looked at me incredulous when my eyes got huge and scared...

i was most likely exposed to it on some of my gallivanting journeys around the globe - perhaps in the escuela juan wesley for disabled kids in santiago, chile, or the andes of ecuador...maybe the rio frio of nicaragua...but 6 months of meds was worth every minute of it.

pray for my lungs...while you are at it, pray that my asthma goes away too...that would just be more than i could bear.

WHY NOT FIRE

2007-08-01T18:00:00.000-07:00

this excerpt from the wisdom of the desert is definately going to find its way into my sermon this sunday...peace to all....

Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should I do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: why not be totally changed into fire?
-from the wisdom of the desert translated by thomas merton

A LITTLE WISDOM

2007-07-29T21:58:00.000-07:00

this weekend has been deeply sad...my best friend's grandfather committed suicide on saturday...on the same day we found out that one of beau's favorite aunt and uncle split up...this coupled with the fact that i have two precious ones in the hospital with unrecognizable ailments...it has been a rough weekend.

keeping me aloft has been a book that i loved in seminary and have picked up again (i think an ex-boyfriend "borrowed" my former copy forever)....the wisdom of the desert: the sayings of the desert fathers translated by thomas merton...so for a few days and posts forgive me for including some beautiful glimpses into this text.

merton writes of the reasons to be set apart as "reject[ing] the false, formal self, fabricated under social compulsion in "the world." They sought a way to God that was uncharted and freely chosen, not inherited from others who had mapped it out beforehand. They sought a God whom they alone could find, not one who was "given" in a set, stereotyped form by somebody else [...] there was nothing to which they had to "conform" except the secret, hidden, inscrutable will of God which might differ very notably from one cell to another."
here are some of the thoughts from the desert fathers (more to come as i read further)....

Abbot Pastor said: If you have a chest full of clothing, and leave it for a long time, the clothing will rot inside it. It is the same with the thoughts in our heart. If we do not carry them out by physical action, after a long while they will spoil and turn bad.

One of the brethren had sinned, and the priest told him to leave the community. So then, Abbot Bessarion got up and walked out with him, saying: I too am a sinner!

NOT MY OWN

2007-07-27T11:43:00.001-07:00

two folks in the hospital...plants screaming for water (including my beautiful lavender)...pile of work on my desk...my time, today, is not my own.

MY MAN

2007-07-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

beau daniel has entered the blogosphere...so this is no longer "our" blog, but mine (which it really always was anyway)...go check out his thoughts and reflections - www.beauslearninglife.blogspot.com. he rocks my world.

HEART OF ALL

2007-07-25T10:39:00.000-07:00

we had a beautiful time in cuer d' alene (i HATE spelling that) - we learned, however that it means "heart of all" and i think that is just beautiful. so, although i cannot spell it, i will joyfully embrace the heart of all...
while there we enjoyed bike rides, smores, hikes, slip n' slides, good company...it was fun times. check out my cousin kylee's blog for more pics and reflections: www.wheelturning.blogspot.com
it was beau's first time with my extended family and he confirmed my worst fears - my immediate family is officially the craziest of the crazies....the term "hullfire" was coined this weekend as well...if you know any of us, you will understand.
peace and joy to all!

VACATION ALL I EVER WANTED

2007-07-18T12:52:00.000-07:00

beau and i are leaving tomorrow morning early for a family reunion in a french city in ID (every time i try to spell it, i butcher it...but it is in the panhandle - you know where i'm talking about).
i haven't posted in a while...things are nuts...but here are a few words that have inspired me lately (heavy on this van dyke guy, but i just found him...so enjoy). blessings on you...

Many a soul begins to come to God when he flings off being religious, because there is only one Master of the human heart, and that is not religion but Jesus Christ.
-Oswald Chambers

A peace that depends on fear is nothing but a suppressed war.
-Henry Van Dyke

As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.
-Henry Van Dyke

Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.
-Henry Van Dyke

Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are.
-Henry Van Dyke

Some people are so afraid do die that they never begin to live.
-Henry Van Dyke

There is only one way to get ready for immortality, and that is to love this life and live it as bravely and faithfully and cheerfully as we can.
-Henry Van Dyke

Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
-Henry Van Dyke

ONE YEAR...AND A FEW DAYS...

2007-06-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

my love and i have been married for longer now than one year...this time last year we were discovering what it means to wake up and see the other's face...to begin to make decisions together...to live and work and play and come home to each other...it has been a beautiful year. i can't wait to see how it grows.
here is a poem i've seen around blogdom...but it is beautiful so i will put it here too...as an ode to waking up for many more years to those same green eyes.

Your Basic Love Poem That Can Be Read at Any Wedding-M. C. Boyes

Things in their most basic form
are the hardest to put words around:
the winged tail of a shrimp.
a freshly washed pillow case,
growing crisp in the autumn air.
The late winter sun
quenching itself on a bowlful
of snow. The half moon
resting, always,
in your right thumbnail.

What I mean is this—
after the long ride home
when the grass is wet, and the dishes
have been dried, and the wrinkles
have begun to set themselves
in lines more broad
than fine, there will be you—
asleep. Your head in its infinite state
of undress. Each hair
set upon another
wrestling against the grains,
that by some unwritten rule,
must form in your blue eyes.
There will be you, again.
You.
Alight, aloft, adrift,
in my arms alone.
There will be you
and me
and we will be
at home.

NO PROBLEMS

2007-06-12T15:54:00.001-07:00

i have no problems...as i have been learning to care for God's precious people, i realize how much that is true. currently i have parishioners with aggressive cancer (and aggressive chemo!), varying degrees of surgeries, loved ones slowly slipping away to Alzheimer's disease, jobs where they are in the line of danger every day, financial woes, job woes, relationship woes, depression....
dealing with such weighty issues continually puts my "issues" into perspective.
as all of these things sunk in i realized afresh how much i need the strength of Christ to even begin to pray for, minister to, be present for these precious people who are experiencing the fire.

TRUTH

2007-06-04T09:05:00.000-07:00

some people are wonderful...others are crazy. i need all the love i can get...

A PROMISE

2007-05-30T20:00:00.000-07:00

i've been meaning to post this...it is a copy of the liturgy of pastoral covenant that my new congregation and i went through a few weeks ago for my installation service. i used the framework of another liturgy and made it my own...may God help us keep these promises. Amen and amen.

Liturgy of Pastoral Covenant

Leader: Pastor, we, your people, charge you to remember your ordination vows.

Congregation: Preach the Word, be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage with great patience and careful instruction. Endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministries. (2 Timothy 4:2-5)

Leader: Pastor, will you affirm this vow and accept again the invitation to be the spiritual leader of this flock?

Pastor: I will.

Leader: Will you, the members of this church, accept, support, and uphold our pastor as she leads you?

Congregation: We will.

Leader: Will you affirm your belief that this pastor and this church are to be workers together in the providence of the Most HIgh God?

Congregation: This we do believe and affirm.

Leader: Will you continue to support this pastor with respect, loyalty, love and fervent prayer?

Congregation: We will, with God’s help.

Leader: Will you continue to receive the pastor’s family – especially Beau - as members of this family of faith and love and pray for them as your own?

Congregation: We will, with God’s help.

Leader: Will you continue to give sacrificially of your means so that this pastor can be relieved of the temporal cares of this life so that she may give full attention to prayer and the ministry of the Word?

Congregation: We will, with God’s help.

Leader: Will you respond to the pastoral leadership by vigorous participation in the congregational life of this church as it carries out its mission of worship, evangelism, nurture, and service?

Congregation: We will, with God’s help.

Pastor: In response to the gracious call of God, and in gratitude for the confidence you have expressed in me, I covenant with you to continue living together as an authentic expression of the Kingdom of God in this world. I promise:
• To lead you in worship, that in our unselfish focus on God we might be shaped in the image of Christ Jesus and truly become His body.
• To spend time listening to the voice of God, believing that only in hearing Him will I have anything of substance to speak to you.
• To preach the Word with boldness and grace, unafraid to be the mouthpiece of the Lord in this place and among these people.
• To study the Scriptures and the teachings of Christ’s followers through the ages, that we might be a community of faith rooted in the Truth of God and in the historic Christian faith.
• To intercede for you, spending the necessary time to lift you to the throne of God’s grace that you might “be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of Go0d and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” (Ephesians 4:12-13)
• To give you pastoral care and spiritual direction
• To lead you in becoming a true community where “each part does its work” (Ephesians 4:6).
• To lead you in serving others, taking up our responsibility to our neighborhood, this community, and to the whole world.
• To live before you not only as a pastor, but also as a spouse who keeps promises and who lives a balanced life under the Lordship of Jesus Christ.

Pastor & People in Unison:
• We will follow the Bible in living together as a community of faith
• We will love one another with sincerity of heart, choosing to live in grace and forgiveness.
• We will honor one another above ourselves.
• We will not become lazy or apathetic but will keep our spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
• We will be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer.
• We will share with God’s people who are in need and will practice hospitality.
• We will live in peace and leave revenge in God’s hands.
• We will overcome evil with good.
• We will move with the Spirit, allowing God to move us out of comfort and into the glorious freedom of His powerful Love.

SPRING...MOUNTAINS...HOME

2007-05-24T12:39:00.000-07:00

i see this visage from my office...the sun is shining and the bees are buzzing in the flowers outside my window. the office is quiet today as our receptionist is at the doctor's office and our office administrator is off. it is just the quiet of the church, the bees buzzing and me.
we have moved in...we are officially residents of mount vernon, wa. it feels so good. we have begun the process of exploring...a couple of days ago walking to little mountain (being greeted the entire way by friendly natives), discovering the money saving JOYS of grocery outlet, and getting the much needed local library card.
i could write about the people with the unending vendetta against me...or how overwhelming it is sometimes to think about church finances...or just how many keys have to be on my keychain these days...but i would rather look at the mountain, know that i am home and be at peace. i pray the same for you this day.
God is abundantly good.

KINDNESS OF STRANGERS

2007-05-14T19:53:00.000-07:00

remember when stamps used to be 25 cents....and a pop was never more than .50...well now a stamp is nearly as much as what a pop used to be and we are all paying through the nose.
today i had to go to the post office to send off some bills and a change of address form. the lines were enormous. everyone having to get the new stamps...everyone getting off work and swarming to the post office...
i got in one line, then noticed another line for just stamps....i switched lines and waited in that line for 5 minutes before i realized you had to have cash. i asked the woman in front of me if the machine took credit cards and she replied that it was only cash...she asked me then how many stamps i needed - giving me $1.35 for stamps. then the rest of the folks in line got in on it and provided me for stamps enough (39 cent and one cent) enough to send off my bills. it was such a beautiful outpouring of kindness on a busy sticky day at the post office. i was so tempted to decline their generosity - my face turned red as i tried to say "thank you" enough times...it made me realize again how hard it is to accept free grace. it is hard for me every day to receive the free love, forgiveness, and mercy that God continually offers to me...but i must. there is no life outside of Him. so this afternoon, i took the stamps and sent my mail...thanking God for the kindness of strangers and FREE grace.

STRESSFUL!!!

2007-05-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

this whole house buying this is crazy - i feel like this poor little doggie...it is so much waiting and depending on other people getting things done. it is driving me nuts to have to just sit here and wait and see the weekend looming and fearing that we won't close by then...pray for us. i'm sure God is STILL trying to teach me that patience thing...

FOR REALS THIS TIME

2007-05-05T21:40:00.000-07:00

our house should be OURS for reals on tuesday. i write this amongst boxes, an extra fridge in the dining room and general mayhem...patched walls, emptied closets...
our house, above, does not have the "curb appeal" that the little yellow house had (earlier house we backed out on due to DEBACLE of a home inspection)...but it is so wonderful - on more than a half acre, on the edge of a creek and little mountain, NO repairs needed to move in...hardwood throughout, beautiful backyard, surrounded by greenbelt, dishwasher (thank you Jesus!), right across the street from a lutheran church which means that we look out our front door to a cross...i mean, really...how cool is this?
come visit us soon...we are fun.

I LOVE YOU KYLEE!

2007-04-27T21:46:00.000-07:00

hey amazing sister cousin friend...are you gonna come out here for marie and shawn's wedding or what? we hope so...we're jonesing for ya...have fun at nickel creek! xo, b

this picture reminds me of you...your heart is free and gives love just as freely - i LOVE that about you...

PREACHING LIFE

2007-04-25T22:47:00.000-07:00

a beautiful life...this is what i have. the past few weeks have been surreal to say the least. i have been the head pastor of an entire church...people have already left (i am a GIRL you know...), people have already joined....there have been board meetings, ministry jam sessions, i have administered sacraments and visited in hospitals...i have pissed off some and blessed others. and as i drive the hour to to work (house is still closing), all i can think of how this is my first choice for a life. there is no place i would rather be than in the living room of elderly parishioners showing me pictures and telling me tales of submarines in the pacific during ww2. i would not spend my aftertoon doing anything other than playing with shredded paper and a 20 month old...never would i desire anything more than to be the one who gets to pray during the hard times and the one who gets the call when everything is o.k. i am overwhelmed with gratitude...

SHEEP BITE

2007-04-17T18:54:00.000-07:00

i got my first sheep bite today (it is part of being a shepherd)...and, of course, it was regarding something trivial - ouch. JESUS GIVE ME YOUR LOVE!!!!

ORDINATION

2007-04-13T08:39:00.000-07:00

As a prisoner of the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity in Spirit through the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit - just as you were called to one hope when you were called -one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is over all, and through all, and in all. -Ephesians 4:1-6

6 years ago (well, 21 if you begin where i was called at the age of 8) i began the journey of ministry and the pursuit of ordination. these years have been filled with beauty, hardship, stress, study, joy & service...and ordination boards...and meetings...and filling out application after application...and scrutiny....and background checks...

but last night - with great joy - i knelt in front of the annual district assembly and the general superintendent along with the elders of the district laid hands on me and declared that - as God had called me - they were affirming and supporting that call and giving me the position of ordained elder where i am free to preach the Gospel of Peace, administer the sacraments to God's people and prayerfully lead on the narrow Way.

when the hands were laid on me last night it was such an intense feeling...by body was shaking violently, tears were falling freely from my eyes...every face that i've ever served communion to, imposed ashes on, cried with, laughed with, ridden on rollercoasters with, preached to, prayed for were parading in my mind...but all i could really focus on was Christ. it is He who beckons me into service...it is He who i serve...and i am humbled that i get to be used in His service.

so now i am an official reverend...i pray that my life glorifies the One who formed me, the One who watches me, the One who has drawn me to Himself and calls me Beloved.

CHURCH WEBSITE

2007-04-10T10:39:00.000-07:00

i have been busy working on stuff for church - we now have a website...i hope to be putting more stuff on it soon (ministry stuff, video of sermons, pictures, etc.).

www.mountvernonnaz.org

check it out.

HE IS RISEN!

2007-04-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

just like He said...

happy Easter...i pray yours has been as blessed as mine has.

walk in the Love of the Risen One.

HIZOUSE

2007-04-06T22:31:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: THERE HAS BEEN CRAZINESS IN THE CLOSING...defunct water heater, fouled windows, leaky plumbing and unyielding seller...so PRAY FOR US- WE NEED A HOUSE. i know the Son of Man did not have a place to lay His head, but He didn't live in the pacific northwest! you know...rain and all that...

we have this beautiful little house in burlington (barring any unforseen craziness in closing)...now we will live and work and love in the skagit valley. we are so excited.

today is Good Friday - THANK HIM.

peace to all...

NEW HOUSE, GREAT QUOTES, AND THE CASCADES

2007-03-29T09:19:00.000-07:00

first, exciting news: we have placed on offer on another house...a cute little thang with a garden, fruit trees, a front door with a tree carved into it, and territorial views - i am so excited to live in such a beautiful place. more later.

yesterday was my second full day at church - it continues to be a blessing...at times overwhelming to think of all the work that needs to be done...here are a couple "fun" quotes from my short tenure there...

"if God can speak through an ass, then who are we to say who can preach?"

"i don't care if you're 12, God sent you to us."

the beautiful thing about these quotes is that they are evidence of God changing peoples hearts. both of the men who spoke these things just weeks ago were dead set against female pastors and - without a debate, without a fight - God showed them His plan. it reminded me that i never have to take up my own defenses...God is my defender...I never have to prove my validity...just be faithful.

with that - here is a beautiful nugget from dueteronomy - But from there you will search again for the Lord your God. And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him. -Duet. 1:29

NEW TO ME

2007-03-28T08:48:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my first day at "work." i went to the life care convalescent center for a Bible study with those folks (they are precious and i cannot wait to get to know them more), i got my keys (my key chain finally feels the right weight again with all the classroom, office, kitchen keys on it), i cleaned out my office (dog hair...in a head pastor's office?), i learned where the supplies are kept, i kept forgetting that i had my own bathroom in my office and trekked down the hall...i can hardly believe this is my life. i am SO happy. i already have people pledging their support and others swearing they will leave...welcome to the church. i cannot imagine doing what i am doing so i am just going to have to live it out and see how it feels...the beauty and the underbelly....the joys and sorrows...all the while praying, Lord Christ, be glorified in me...

prayer request: please pray that we find a house...we've already made an offer on one and lost out on it.

YEEEHAWWW!

2007-03-14T23:09:00.000-07:00

good good good news - God is GOOD. oh yeah...and the Mount Vernon church board has unanimously decided to invite me as their head pastor...yeah, there's that - FREAKING EXCITING - bit of news. the congregational vote will be the 25th with perhaps my first sunday as a real live head pastor palm sunday. wow. i am overwhelmed.

HOPE

2007-03-05T13:10:00.000-08:00

there are days that i am tempted to assume the worst...assume the worst possible outcome, assume failure, assume that the opposite of what i want to happen will inevitably happen. thankfully, my husband has noticed this and speaks truth into my life - tells me it is NOT cool to torment myself in this way...that it is o.k. to hope, that it is o.k. to assume the best until i know otherwise. i have been praying about this a lot today...walked and walked and prayed...faced my face toward the sun and prayed....stared at the immensity of the cascades and prayed and HOPED to believe...i feel like the man in mark - "Lord I believe, help my disbelief."

this is my prayer today - in the face of all that is unkown - for HOPE...Lord, i believe...help my disbelief....Lord, i hope...help my hopelessness...

LINKAGE

2007-02-25T18:58:00.000-08:00

Some interesting links for your web surfing pleasure....she is the most rockingest former mormon ever. These are always "interesting"...sometimes beautiful. I still want one of these. Speaking of beautiful things I love...You can find Abbi, Sam and I sipping the best coffee in Seattle here. For exegesis try this...or this... And never forget to pray.

Have a beautiful week....

BEAU DANIEL

2007-02-07T11:55:00.000-08:00

i love my husband more each day.

WILD KINGDOM

2007-02-07T09:33:00.000-08:00

beau and i attended a high school basketball game last night. as we were returning to our house through the parking lot behind our building and about to climb the stairs toward our door, a neighbor who was out for a smoke said, "you might not want to go up there." he continued - coors light can in hand - "there are two racoons up there and ... i think they're mating." in what could have been the single most random and hilarious moments in our lives, we looked up and saw it was indeed true. not three feet from our front door were two "coons"...uh, er....."together." we live in the CITY of seattle...we live nestled between a major road and a regional hospital...and here we were, with our furry friends getting a lesson in mammalian procreation. after we tried to give them some space, peeled ourselves off the pavement from laughing so hard, and beau took a couple of "videos" on his razr so we had proof - we (meaning beau) scared them away and we entered our house in a daze....

if all goes well, we should have more little racoons in our hood before the end of summer - who knows what kinds of adventures we will have next....in our wild kingdom.

TAXHOLES

2007-02-01T14:09:00.000-08:00

i called beau yesterday afternoon and the first words out of my mouth were, "i've been discriminated against!" "sweet," he replied in all seriousness. beau has the uncanny gift of reminding me that suffering is a promise in the Christian walk (thanks honey! ;)).

so the said discrimination came from a "ministry" that helps a minister with HIS taxes. i had heard about this program from a friend and how they do it free of charge and organize everything for the pastors and how sweet since taxes are such a pain, etc. etc. etc. i began to get suspicious, however, when their website was so gender specific and literally said you had to be "fundamental" to have them do your taxes. so, rather than blindly sending in our w2s, i called. the receptionist put me on hold and a man picked up...i explained who i was and asked if they would help me - he replied, "no...we believe in the biblical model of male pastors....[pause] i don't mean to offend you." i thanked him and hung up. the last thing i wanted to do at that moment was get into a debate with a fundamentalist (well, i guess that is really the last thing i EVER want to do...).

but even as i was tempted to be frustrated with these folks, i remembered the heart of God. this weekend i learned something amazing about the romans 12 passage about being kind to our enemies (remember:Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay,"says the Lord. 20On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head." 21Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. -romans 12:17-21). this passage that is normally looked at as a final revenge against those who are mean to us, actually has a completely different meaning. at that time people who lived outside of the city walls were only kept warm by pits inside their tents that they would fill with hot coals and rocks. many had to travel all the way to the walls of the city to get more coals to keep their families warm through the cold winter nights. merciful neighbors would see these heat seekers and take a burning coal from their fire, and give it to that person. the primary way of carrying things in those days was in clay pots carried on top of the head. the kind and generous neighbor would put burning coals on their head. to heap burning coals on our enemies heads is to bless them and their entire families. isn't that so much more like the heart of God than a cruel punishment (a killing with kindness)...

so...i guess i immediately had the opportunity to bless these folks...so God bless the tax people...may their returns be great...

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

2007-01-30T11:48:00.000-08:00

sun shining...being a good nwestern girl i never take it for granted...yoga, coffee, banana pancakes, praying while i clean, reading the Word, ani difranco, beck, & enter the worship circle on my ipod, enjoying the wind sneaking in through my open window...breathing it deep...
for all these things i rejoice with my life...

AND CAN IT BE THAT I SHOULD GAIN?

2007-01-23T22:25:00.000-08:00

i love hymns...i think that may be one of the reasons why the "olds" (as my friend giordi likes to call those over 60) like me. let me just say i LOVE the olds and they call me "preacher girl" so we're even...
anyway...lately i've been meditating on And Can It Be That I Should Gain...
And can it be that I should gainAn interest in the Savior’s blood?Died He for me, who caused His pain—For me, who Him to death pursued?Amazing love! How can it be,That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?Amazing love! How can it be,That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
He left His Father’s throne aboveSo free, so infinite His grace—Emptied Himself of all but love,And bled for Adam’s helpless race:’Tis mercy all, immense and free,For O my God, it found out me!’Tis mercy all, immense and free,For O my God, it found out me!
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;My chains fell off, my heart was free,I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.My chains fell off, my heart was free,I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
how could it be...that little old me could have the opportunity to share the Good News...that i could be a part of the NEW THING that God is doing...that i could have the opportunity to live in the Life of Christ...
things are ending at aurora. i prayed for over an hour this morning in the sanctuary - closing my eyes and imagining all the beautiful faces that i will miss...but what an amazing thing this following Jesus is...we do not lose one another...we only gain more Love...more Hope....more more more....
i am more than blessed with opportunities. i thank Him. new things are on the horizon for us...if you are the praying kind, pray.
Long my imprisoned spirit lay, fast bound in sin and nature's night; Thine eyes diffused a quickening ray - I woke, the dungeon flamed with Light; my chains fell off, my HEART WAS FREE, i rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
my heart is free...

I COULD WEEP

2007-01-12T15:12:00.000-08:00

21,500 bad number, bad idea....COME QUICKLY LORD CHRIST!

THE ART OF BEING DISLIKED

2007-01-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

for some reason, in the past few days, i have been the object of the rantings and anger of random people...first, at a church i preached at sunday - apparently, i am part of the hauerwasianfemalewesleyanpinko plot to destroy america...then at an all norwegian community - i am not a racist but i do seem to pick up driftwood and then put it down again in a DIFFERENT spot (two feet from where i found it on the ground - gasp)....finally, at work where i became a an easy target and punching bag for an angry and rigid person....who decided to personally attack me for being uppity and unlikable because i was unable to make phone calls and concentrate when a circular saw is two inches from my ear. i am exasperated. one of the most frustrating parts of this is that i try to walk in the love and kindness of Jesus...and yet....
i can forgive these folks...it isn't hard given that it is just what broken people do - hurt others...but i am still wondering what i am to learn from being a target for angst lately.
i have decided to meditate on how it must have been for Christ to be spit on, beaten, and killed by the very ones He loved...the very ones He was dying for...and i am reminded of the cost of discipleship. it really sucks sometimes...
my desire is that i will be able to focus on the joys and deflect the rage and anger...i read somewhere that buddhist monks imagine that there is a bubble around them that is impenetrable by anger...i think that is one of the things that the blood of Christ does, i want to claim that...i'm trying...
i do not want any opportunity for me to be closer to Him wasted. so i am growing and learning to listen....and learning, hopefully, the art of being disliked...

btw www.kellyvivanco.com - someday i hope to have one of her paintings...so beautiful...

BEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT EVER

2006-12-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

my bestest friend forever, abbi k. (http://www.churchoftheundignfied.com/, http://www.simplyphotography.us/), her lovely husband, benji, and sweet baby boy, sam, gave us this magnet (among other things) for xmas.
Christ have mercy on Your church! Forgive us for making the Good News about attraction, comfort, and tradition. Come quickly Lord Jesus....