FED UP

i'm fed up...with church as usual...

• i'm fed up with programs that consume so much time that the average lay person does not have the time for God to lead them into the ministry God wants them to do...
• i'm fed up with pastors so bereft of the Holy Spirit that they plagiarize from the pulpit rather than seeking God (and the leadership that affirms and supports their deciet)...
• i'm fed up with the same revolving door fights that stall us as Christians - which music to sing, whether the pastor wears a suit, whether we should draw people in the doors or go out the doors and MINISTER in the name of Christ Jesus, etc.
• i'm fed up with the way the church acts like a business - if you've done your time, you get the "promotion"...
• i'm fed up with the idolization of church tradition (i.e. we ALWAYS do this every year...)
• i'm fed up with creating little consumeristic Christians by making kids think that church is all about being attractional and not transformative...

i'm fed up...and yet i know that God loves His people and that God calls me to love them above myself...but God is doing a NEW THING and i want to be a part of it....maybe then i won't feel so fed up all the time...

ODD LIFE

do you know how it feels to have people look at you quizzically when you tell them what you do for a living...even if they've known you since you were a toddler (especially if they only knew you in high school or college or some other time in life that should be struck from the record)...that when they realize what you do they begin to watch what they say - start to try and put their non-cussing vocab forward and pretend...because they think that is what they are supposed to do with clergy...and then they will either push you away or tell you something that they would never tell any other normal person EVER even though they just met you...stuck between no one's friend and too much intimacy...stuck between avoided and confronted for answers...stuck between being expected to have the right answer every time for every situation and then being held accountable for every wrong that a person feels that God has dealt them...it is an odd life...this life of proclaiming the Good News. i didn't realize fully how much of me would have to die...has to still, continually die for me to do this...i have to be willing to be thought strange, be willing to be thought crazy or simple minded...be willing to listen when it is hard and have grace when pushed away....willing to do these things so that someone, anyone might know how deeply they are LOVED. this is a very odd life i lead...i pray every day for the grace to live it in a way that might bring glory...

A SERMON

hey y'all...i preached in oregon last weekend...if you want, you can listen to it: http://www.springfieldchurch.org/streaming.html click on October 8th

I'M A TERRIBLE PERSON

so...as the previous post suggests, i am now officially a "myspace" person. creepy, i know...i am probably too old, but deal with it.
one of the things that has been disturbing to me is tonight i decided to scare up some old friends to be my myspace "friends"....i went to all my schools and started checking out profiles...i ran into quite a few people that i know...er...knew...herein lies the disturbance to my soul...i saw myspace profiles of people that i have loved deeply - that i have lived in the same house with, that i have shared joys and sorrows with, that i have seen every day and been in community with....whom i don't even speak to anymore....
don't get me wrong, there were never any falling outs, just slow falling aways...i am very good at beginning in new places - sometimes too good....so good and so focused on the present that i forget the past. i don't think there is any excuse for that.
i hope that i can connect with all of my precious ones whom i have loved throughout the journey of my life...if myspace helps, hallelujah...regardless, i will try to remember in the future, to be more grounded in the past as i reach out to the unknown.

I GAVE IN

so...i guess i gave in to the myspace phenomenon...beau doesn't like that i log onto his sometimes - i thought we were supposed to share EVERYTHING!!!! one thing i promise: I WILL NOT DO A POUTY FACE PICTURE...for those of you who have been on myspace before, you know what i mean. ah well...say a prayer for me, hopefully it will not become too consuming. ;)

NEVER ENDING SAGA...UNTIL IT ENDS THAT IS...

i do a LOT of dishes...approximately twice as much as before i got married (go figure). now, don't interpret this as a critique of beau's dish washing prowess...he is at work all day and my schedule is "different." i don't HAVE to go to work at 6:30 a.m. and i get to go in WHEN i have work to do or a person to visit....then i get to be flexible and work on my sermons at home....so, it is only fair that i should do most of the dishes...
it is interesting though - every time i do the dishes, i feel such a compulsive sense of accomplishment and something akin to joy. even though, if i were to think for a moment, i would realize that there WILL be dishes in the sink again...and soon. and yet, somehow it does not get me down because - dog-gone-it...there are no dishes in the sink right now. i think this is how we are to be with our spiritual lives...as we constistently fall before the Father with our selfish hearts, half-truths, and short comings - we are cleansed and renewed....that does not mean that we will not fall short again, but it also does not mean we can wallow in the fact that we will - most likely fall short again, and soon. it gives us hope that we can be made whole as often as we encounter Christ....and a renewed passion to be further transformed into His image and not have to fall short in quite the same old ways...
there is an excellent book on dishes and various other forms of "women's work" - Kathleen Norris' Quotidian Mysteries - she explores what it means to do the dirty work of working out our salvations with fear and trembling...the little things that we do that may seem insignificant, but that can actually bring us deeper into relationship with Christ. check it out.

SASQUATCHES CAN'T READ

I may be the only Christian on the planet that has not read This Present Darkness. I have just read my first Peretti book - Monster. It was engaging and I particularly enjoyed it as a pacific northwest gal whose brother has an unnatural fixation on Bigfoot....do you know how many times I've had to hear the "proof" for their existence????? So...read it y'all (especially Dean)...and then take a hike (yikes!).

RAISE THE ROOF FOR ANCIENT LITERATURE

We are on our way to see the Dead Sea Scrolls at Pacific Science Center this evening...good times. We got free tickets that were sent to the church by a local Christian radio station...it is before the general public get to see them complete with a horsdeeevooorrss and a lecture (oh, nerdy fun - I LOVE IT!)...

UPDATE: We LOVED the exhibit - it is so amazing...if you live in Western WA, you have GOT to go...some of these texts have never left Israel before now. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. So so so cool...plus we got to go to the butterfly house and that is always beautiful...GO SEE THE DEAD SEA SCROLLS AT PACIFIC SCIENCE CENTER NOW...buy tickets and get directions: www.pacsci.org

THE REASONSI MARRIED HIM (that i never knew)...

...because when i am sad he forces me to smile and take a bike ride, because he is honest with me (truth sets us free), because he only gets cuter every day we are married, because he doesn't wake me up in the mornings when he wakes up (5:45!!!), because i learn more about who he is every day, because he is patient with me, because he encourages me and does not hold me to impossible standards but encourages me toward Godly ones...because waking up next to him will NEVER get old, because he loves to create....because he is a crazy fine dancer...because he makes me laugh out loud....because of all the things that i know and a million things that i will find out...

a witness

Marriage is crazy. No one ever says that....they smile with something like knowing in their eyes and say, "Are you excited? How wonderful..." (or some variation thereof). They never say that no matter how much you thought you knew this one that you have joined your life with, there WILL be things that are a suprise. Not awful suprises - just suprises....like that Beau was a hairy baby....these kinds of suprises. At least he doesn't scare me anymore. I was so used to living alone in this place that when all of a sudden there was another body around - in the kitchen, in the bathroom - it freaked me out!
Marriage is crazy...but the most beautiful crazy I have ever experienced. The thing that has been the biggest blessing to me lately is the thought that I do not have to experience my life alone. Although I have loving family and friends who have supported me and listened to me - it is not THEIR life...but when you join your life in marriage to another - in this covenant - their life becomes connected to yours, and yours connected to theirs. Not in a losing identity sort of way but an illuminating of identity kind of way...I cannot hide from Beau - he is a witness to who I am and what I go through as I am for him. The thought that I have a witness - of the crazy things our neighbors do, the misadventures at church, the first ride on our brand new bikes - amazes me. I think one of the deepest human needs is to just simply be seen and heard - acknowledged.
I have to be honest, I did not fully know what I was getting myself into with this marriage business (I probably still don't)....but I am so thankful to have a witness and partner to walk beside on this journey.