UNKIND

i am continually amazed at people's capacity to be unkind. it makes me so sad and frustrated.

but...as mother teresa encouraged, i will refuse to allow the poison of unkindness, bitterness, and unforgiveness to touch my heart...

DO IT ANYWAY
People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

BLESSED

some of the beautiful things in my life...

FIRE IT UP

Thank you, God, for infusing our world with Your Light.

Christ's love is always stronger than the evil in the world, so we need to love and to be loved: it's as simple as that. -M. Teresa

He is Love....FIRE IT UP.

IN THE GROUND

my niece, macalister, was pretty obsessed with things going "in the ground" for a while after their alpaca, midnight, died. she used it as a euphamism for death..."mom, when i go in the ground, i want you and daddy to be with me." how very ancient egyptian of her.

today we put marty in the ground. her graveside service was cold and sad...i spoke all of the beautiful things that i could - Scripture, prayer, eulogy - and we cried and said goodbye. no one wanted to leave...

finally, we left her casket there...yellow and pink flowers covering the top. it was all very sterile looking from the outside. but when i looked closely, i could see the dirt carved away...under the beautiful casket, beneath the chrome lowering mechanism....there it was, the ground.

Into your hands, O merciful Savior, we commend your servant Marty. Acknowledge, we humbly beseech you, a sheep of your own fold, a lamb of your own flock, of sinner of your own redeeming. Receive her into the arms of your mercy, into the blessed rest of everlasting peace, and into the glorious company of the saints of life. In sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life through our Lord Jesus Christ, we commend to Almighty God our sister, Marty, and we commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust. The Lord bless her and keep her, the Lord make his face to shine upon her and be gracious unto her, the Lord lift up his countenance upon her and giver her peace. Amen.

MAY ANGELS GUIDE YOU IN

my beautiful friend, marty, died last night at 11:35 p.m.
the last few moments of thanksgiving she decided to fly. she let go of her feeble body and is now PRESENT with God.
i miss her desperately...i cannot imagine how her husband of almost 40 years feels. i'm so thankful to have known her and know that her ministry of intercession from the presence of God will be amazing....
goodbye dear friend...may angels guide you to His glorious presence.

we were buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. -Romans 6:4

KEEPING VIGIL

i've been keeping vigil near the bed of a wonderful woman in my congregation all afternoon/evening. two weeks ago we dished and laughed on her couch...two months ago we scurried around the church kitchen....and now she lays dying in skagit valley hospital. unbelievable....
pray for marty's family.
pray for me.
Christ have mercy, Lord have mercy.

MY NEXT 30 YEARS

yesterday i turned 30. so far, my 30s feel great...i feel grounded and as though my age finally backs up my maturity, job, etc. somehow i feel some of the pressure of the 20s sloughing off...i feel that i already have more grace for myself. inspired by tim mcgraw, here are some goals for my next thirty years:
-forgive myself as quickly as i forgive others
-learn things that i've always wanted to learn (more gardening - master gardner status?, cooking white sauce, identifying birds)
-take more time to savor life
-conquer fear
-sing more
-cultivate my friendships
-READ as much as i want ;)
-get better at yoga
-pray more
-be more responsible
-share JOY

and - as a nod to the man who inspired this post...here are tim mcgraw's plans for his next 30 (hopefully he is off to a good start):

Tim McGraw My Next Thirty Years lyrics

I think I'll take a moment, celebrate my age
The ending of an era and the turning of a page
Now it's time to focus in on where I go from here
Lord have mercy on my next thirty years
Hey my next thirty years I'm gonna have some fun
Try to forget about all the crazy things I've done
Maybe now I've conquered all my adolescent fears
And I'll do it better in my next thirty years
My next thirty years I'm gonna settle all the scores
Cry a little less, laugh a little more
Find a world of happiness without the hate and fear
Figure out just what I'm doing here
In my next thirty years
Oh my next thirty years, I'm gonna watch my weight
Eat a few more salads and not stay up so late
Drink a little lemonade and not so many beers
Maybe I'll remember my next thirty years
My next thirty years will be the best years of my life
Raise a little family and hang out with my wife
Spend precious moments with the ones that I hold dear
Make up for lost time here, in my next thirty years
In my next thirty years

ON MARRYING MY BROTHER...OR, THOUGHTS FROM TEXAS

this week we headed down to houston, tx to see my brother, dean, get married to the beautiful, kind, and intelligent, laura. it was the most fun wedding i have ever attended...one of the highlights (along with texas bbq dinner, kyle's best man toast, and dancing to the jackson five) was that i was the officiant (which was worth going through the ordination process in and of itself). we had a beautiful time...i will perhaps, in the next day or two, post my homily from the wedding and thoughts on the butterfly migration that we were able to see...for now, however...check out these pics of the handsome and happy couple.

EMPTY BED

yesterday i went to the convalescent center a few blocks from the church where i hold weekly Bible studies...we have a beautiful relationship with this place - we hold weekly Bible studies, our associate minister does Sunday morning worship, and we are "on call" for pastoral needs that the residents or families may have. i am ALWAYS blessed by my time there...i cherish the relationships i have with the residents and staff.
yesterday, as i was chatting with some staff in the "memory" ward (the locked down section of the facility), another staff member came to me and told me there was a family whose mother was dying and needed a pastor. i quickly grabbed my Bible and had one of the activities folks get me some oil from the kitchen and went to be with the family.
the room was dark except for a light right above the bed, illuminating the frail body of a woman and colorful pictures of children, weddings, and great-grandchildren above her head. bernita's eyes were closed - had been closed for a long time - and her permed hair was sticking closely to her head from the wet washcloth that was folded on her brow...her adult daughters sat in the dark at the end of her bed...staring, crying, waiting...
bernita sounded as though she was breathing in water...each breath labored and bubbling. i spoke loudly so that she could hear me through her breath...through the in between space of death and life. i read philippians 3 and 4 to her...then i read, at her daughter's request, psalm 23...
i spoke to the daughters about their mom. it is so important to tell stories of life when faced with death...death is a part of our lives.
i learned that she was a devoted churchwoman - always the one to go visit folks in the hospital...always faithful. their red eyes told other stories too...of how they wanted her to be free from pain, but losing her was hurting...of how frustrated they were with her pastor who visited only twice in six months...of how they wished their brother would hurry and come so that mom could let go.
with her daughters at my side, their tears dripping onto the bed spread, i anointed this woman's head with oil and prayed for her...comitting her again to the Lord, reminding her and God that she is HIS...that nothing can seperate them because of Christ's precious blood.
i read romans 5. i hugged the daughters and spoke a little more to them and left to attend to others...to have staff meetings...to get supplies for the church at costco...to go to prayer meetings and teach Bible studies....
i was not able to go back to the convalescent center until the end of my day - 9:15 p.m. i ran through the rain to one of the "alternative" entrances...a die hard smoker in a wheel chair greeted me as i walked in. i put the "special" code into the door, *7. i walked down the dimly lit hallway to bernita's room and was greeted by an empty bed illuminated by a single light. no pictures, no damp curly hair...just a stripped bed. the nurses informed me that she had died about two hours after i had left.
staring at the empty bed my heart swelled as i realized that i was the last person who prayed for her....the last PERSON who had the blessing of anointing her precious head with oil...the last person to read God's holy Word to her on this earth.
i thank God that i was able to do that...to minister to this one before she went finally from life to Life.
i snuck out the same door i came in...and my smoking friend laughed because of how hard it was raining...she said, "RUN...RUN"....and i did....rain soaking me, drowning out all sound...save for the distant hallelujahs coming from one who left an empty bed.

THE LIGHT BEFORE THE STORM...

the light before a storm is always strange...ominous...light, but filtered...everything seems to glow in an eery green. that is what i am seeing out my window right now...and hearing HARD rain.
i have a lot to write...a lot to process. maybe i will find the time tomorrow - probably not. until then, a prayer:

EMPTY ME:

Gracious and Holy One,
creator of all things
and of emptiness,
I come to you
full of much that clutters and distracts,
stifles and burdens me,
and makes me a burden to others.

Empty me now
of gnawing dissatisfactions,
of anxious imaginings,
of fretful preoccupations,
of nagging prejiduces,
of old scores to settle,
and of the arrogance of being right.

Empty me
of the ways I unthinkingly
think of myself as powerless
as a victim,
as determined by sex, age, race,
as being less thatn I am,
or as other than yours.

Empty me
of the disguises and lies
in which I hide myslef
from other people
and from my responsibility
for my neighbors
and for the world.
Hollow out in me a space
in which I will find myself,
find peace and a whole heart,
a forgiving spirit and holiness,
the springs of laughter,
and teh will to reach boldly
for abundant life for myself
and the whole human family.

-Ted Loder

the lightning has started...the only thing is to take cover and wait