Friday, August 24, 2007

HERE GOES NOTHING


the title of this post may, in fact, prove prophetic...hopefully it does not. i have begun this morning on a labor that God has put on my heart for a few years...a bit of writing that may form itself into a book or papers...or perhaps just something for nieces and nephews and grandchildren to peruse long after i am gone. only God knows...
peace to you all...hope is in my head and in my heart...i pray the same for you.

If this brings You glory — if souls are brought to you — with joy I accept all to the end of my life. —from a letter from Mother Teresa to Jesus, undated

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

HUGS NOT DRUGS!


many of you know that there has been some "resistance" to me being the lead pastor of this church (you know...i am a GIRL!). it has been hard, but a good lesson in suffering and loving and forgiving...
there has been one person in particular that has seen it as a personal project to undermine me....with letters left on front porches of members, huge packets sent to my district superintendent, and anti-girl clergy rhetoric passed out in the foyer.
but this weekend we had a breakthrough...
we had a memorial time for a relative of this person...miracle number one: she came, miracle number two: she stayed through the sermon...miracle of all miracles: she spoke to me and HUGGED me after the service. it was such a suprise blessing to me...i had resigned myself to her hating me and then she was able to - in Christian love - reach beyond her convictions and embrace me...it was beautiful.
for those of you whom i've spoken to about this situation - you know how heavily it has laid on my heart. it was such a wonderful thing to know that God has been working His LOVE into this situation...from both sides.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

UNCLEAN



as a part of the process of becoming an on-call chaplain at skagit valley hospital, i was required to take a tuberculosis test. it is a simple procedure where a needle injects into your arm and you are to watch it for 48 hours - if, after 48 hours, it is red and raised, you have been exposed to tuberculosis and must have a chest x-ray to determine if you have spots on your lungs.

48 hours ago i had the test...and my arm has a large red, raised welt on it where the needle went in...over twice as large as a result that would beg a chest x-ray. this does NOT mean i have TB (i am also NOT contagious), but it does mean i have been exposed to it and may have to take this nasty medicine that messes with the liver and it also means that i will have to "register" with whatever county i am living in...crazy!

in my usual hypochondriac manner, i was already planning a lung transplant as i changed into the hospital gown to have my chest x-ray this afternoon...beau, in his usual calm, cool and collected manner, looked at me incredulous when my eyes got huge and scared...

i was most likely exposed to it on some of my gallivanting journeys around the globe - perhaps in the escuela juan wesley for disabled kids in santiago, chile, or the andes of ecuador...maybe the rio frio of nicaragua...but 6 months of meds was worth every minute of it.

pray for my lungs...while you are at it, pray that my asthma goes away too...that would just be more than i could bear.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

WHY NOT FIRE


this excerpt from the wisdom of the desert is definately going to find its way into my sermon this sunday...peace to all....

Abbot Lot came to Abbot Joseph and said: Father, according as I am able, I keep my little rule, and my little fast, my prayer, meditation and contemplative silence; and according as I am able I strive to cleanse my heart of thoughts: now what more should I do? The elder rose up in reply and stretched out his hands to heaven, and his fingers became like ten lamps of fire. He said: why not be totally changed into fire?
-from the wisdom of the desert translated by thomas merton

Sunday, July 29, 2007

A LITTLE WISDOM


this weekend has been deeply sad...my best friend's grandfather committed suicide on saturday...on the same day we found out that one of beau's favorite aunt and uncle split up...this coupled with the fact that i have two precious ones in the hospital with unrecognizable ailments...it has been a rough weekend.

keeping me aloft has been a book that i loved in seminary and have picked up again (i think an ex-boyfriend "borrowed" my former copy forever)....the wisdom of the desert: the sayings of the desert fathers translated by thomas merton...so for a few days and posts forgive me for including some beautiful glimpses into this text.

merton writes of the reasons to be set apart as "reject[ing] the false, formal self, fabricated under social compulsion in "the world." They sought a way to God that was uncharted and freely chosen, not inherited from others who had mapped it out beforehand. They sought a God whom they alone could find, not one who was "given" in a set, stereotyped form by somebody else [...] there was nothing to which they had to "conform" except the secret, hidden, inscrutable will of God which might differ very notably from one cell to another."
here are some of the thoughts from the desert fathers (more to come as i read further)....

Abbot Pastor said: If you have a chest full of clothing, and leave it for a long time, the clothing will rot inside it. It is the same with the thoughts in our heart. If we do not carry them out by physical action, after a long while they will spoil and turn bad.

One of the brethren had sinned, and the priest told him to leave the community. So then, Abbot Bessarion got up and walked out with him, saying: I too am a sinner!

Friday, July 27, 2007

NOT MY OWN


two folks in the hospital...plants screaming for water (including my beautiful lavender)...pile of work on my desk...my time, today, is not my own.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

MY MAN


beau daniel has entered the blogosphere...so this is no longer "our" blog, but mine (which it really always was anyway)...go check out his thoughts and reflections - www.beauslearninglife.blogspot.com. he rocks my world.

HEART OF ALL


we had a beautiful time in cuer d' alene (i HATE spelling that) - we learned, however that it means "heart of all" and i think that is just beautiful. so, although i cannot spell it, i will joyfully embrace the heart of all...
while there we enjoyed bike rides, smores, hikes, slip n' slides, good company...it was fun times. check out my cousin kylee's blog for more pics and reflections: www.wheelturning.blogspot.com
it was beau's first time with my extended family and he confirmed my worst fears - my immediate family is officially the craziest of the crazies....the term "hullfire" was coined this weekend as well...if you know any of us, you will understand.
peace and joy to all!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

VACATION ALL I EVER WANTED


beau and i are leaving tomorrow morning early for a family reunion in a french city in ID (every time i try to spell it, i butcher it...but it is in the panhandle - you know where i'm talking about).
i haven't posted in a while...things are nuts...but here are a few words that have inspired me lately (heavy on this van dyke guy, but i just found him...so enjoy). blessings on you...

Many a soul begins to come to God when he flings off being religious, because there is only one Master of the human heart, and that is not religion but Jesus Christ.
-Oswald Chambers

A peace that depends on fear is nothing but a suppressed war.
-Henry Van Dyke


As long as habit and routine dictate the pattern of living, new dimensions of the soul will not emerge.
-Henry Van Dyke


Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.
-Henry Van Dyke


Happiness is inward, and not outward; and so, it does not depend on what we have, but on what we are.
-Henry Van Dyke

Some people are so afraid do die that they never begin to live.
-Henry Van Dyke


There is only one way to get ready for immortality, and that is to love this life and live it as bravely and faithfully and cheerfully as we can.
-Henry Van Dyke


Use the talents you possess, for the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except the best.
-Henry Van Dyke

Monday, June 18, 2007

ONE YEAR...AND A FEW DAYS...


my love and i have been married for longer now than one year...this time last year we were discovering what it means to wake up and see the other's face...to begin to make decisions together...to live and work and play and come home to each other...it has been a beautiful year. i can't wait to see how it grows.
here is a poem i've seen around blogdom...but it is beautiful so i will put it here too...as an ode to waking up for many more years to those same green eyes.

Your Basic Love Poem That Can Be Read at Any Wedding-M. C. Boyes

Things in their most basic form
are the hardest to put words around:
the winged tail of a shrimp.
a freshly washed pillow case,
growing crisp in the autumn air.
The late winter sun
quenching itself on a bowlful
of snow. The half moon
resting, always,
in your right thumbnail.

What I mean is this—
after the long ride home
when the grass is wet, and the dishes
have been dried, and the wrinkles
have begun to set themselves
in lines more broad
than fine, there will be you—
asleep. Your head in its infinite state
of undress. Each hair
set upon another
wrestling against the grains,
that by some unwritten rule,
must form in your blue eyes.
There will be you, again.
You.
Alight, aloft, adrift,
in my arms alone.
There will be you
and me
and we will be
at home.